Clint Barton Explains It All
by Pikapox
Summary: At the insistence of Natasha and Pepper, Clint Barton embarks on a dangerous and possibly life-altering mission to sneak into Stark Tower's 54th floor laboratory and answer the one question they're all dying to know: are Tony and Bruce hooking up? Science Boyfriends fluff.


A/N: Again, with the silly Science Boyfriends fluff… rest assured, there will be more Bruce & Tony in future installments. I'm also infatuated with those really fun fics where the Avengers use their mad world-saving skills to do silly things like play pranks and spy on each other… so I wrote this one. Enjoy!

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"I am camped in the northeast corner of the 54th floor laboratory in Stark Tower. Two subjects present: Stark, Tony, and Banner, Bruce. Both unaware that they are under surveillance."

"Yeah, yeah, Barton," Natasha's all-business voice crackled in the headpiece, "Just get to work."

"You can't rush perfection," Clint says, "Anyways, subjects are currently…" He craned forward from his perch to get a better view.

"Subjects are currently conducting a scientific experiment."

"No, really?" Pepper Potts' voice over the headpiece now, just as short and impatient as Natasha's. "Considering that's what I _pay_ them both to do."

"Details, Barton," Natasha gently chides. "You're killing us here."

"Okay, fine, fine," Clint says, and heaves himself up so he can get to a better vantage point, "They really are just—hold the phone."

"What?" Pepper and Natasha exclaim simultaneously, excited and hushed.

"The package has been delivered," Clint whispers solemnly into the mouthpiece, "I repeat: the package has been delivered." He mutes the headpiece and rips it off of his face before he can gauge Natasha and Pepper's reactions, the mission complete. A success, even. He is straddling one of the exposed air ducts in the lab, shielded from detection by the shadows of lots of unfamiliar machinery. As he plans his escape route, he tries to ignore the fact that Banner and Stark are making out not twenty feet away. He can swing from the air duct and into the small open window to the main corridor on the 54th floor, and then take the stairs down (because he's _technically_ not supposed to know the elevator passcode for the 54th floor… technically). Easy. Elementary stuff… except he forgets to account for the headpiece that's no longer securely in place on his face. As he makes his leap, it slips out of his pocket and clatters to the floor, causing him to lose focus, and, well, follow it.

"Goddammit, _fuck,_" Clint curses when his back hits the ground with a loud slam.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Tony shouts.

"Sounded like... Clint," Bruce says, sounding puzzled. Clint can hear their hurried footsteps carrying them to this side of the lab, and he groans with the realization that his cover has been soundly and resolutely blown… when Natasha finds out she's going to make him wish he'd brought a cyanide pill along. He opens his eyes and Tony and Bruce are looming over him, neither of them looking particularly concerned with his welfare.

"Explain yourself," Tony says, "or I'm gonna punch Bruce in the jaw, and then sit back and watch the Hulk rip your limbs off. And laugh. The whole time." Bruce rolls his eyes but says nothing, having acclimated long ago to the graphic "Hulk Smash" jokes Tony seemed so fond of.

"Um, ah… security," Clint offers lamely, "Pepper wanted me to do security checks on all the floors."

Tony crosses his arms.

"… by trying to sneak into the most secure room on each floor," Clint continues. He sits up. "Aaaand, it worked," he adds with a nervous chuckle, "so it looks like you guys need to tighten up the security on this floor."

"Jarvis," Tony says irritably, "when and how did Barton get in this room?"

"Ms. Potts opened the access window on the northeast side at approximately 5:30 a.m. this morning," Jarvis replies, "Mr. Barton gained access to the floor using Ms. Romanoff's access code, and entered the laboratory through the open window at 4:45 p.m. My security sensors were not alerted because Mr. Barton is considered a 'non-threat' as a member of the Avengers Initiative."

"Well, fuck you too, Jarvis," Clint mumbles under his breath.

"Yeah, Jarvis, you can go ahead and reclassify Barton as an "incompetent moron" and make sure that he's not allowed clearance above the first floor," Tony says, his voice just barely containing the anger clearly bubbling under the surface..

"Done, sir," Jarvis says, "Mr. Barton is currently in violation of his security clearance, but I will withhold the alarm until his next infraction." Great. Clint snatches the headpiece off the floor and stuffs it in his pocket before it raises any questions from Tony, or worse, Bruce—who is looking much more suspicious than angry.

Tony and Bruce weren't acting nearly as embarrassed as they should be, though, for two secret lovers high-schooling it up in a science lab. They must not have realized that Clint saw them sucking face.

There was hope yet for a successful mission. Clint picks himself up and dusts off, ready to get back to the girls and report what he saw.

"Why would Pepper open the window if she wanted this to be a true test of security?" Bruce asks suddenly. Fuck. "And, for that matter," Tony chimes in, "Why would Natasha give you her security code for this floor?"

"We're dealing with some very sensitive materials on this floor," Bruce says sternly, with a quick glance at Tony that he thinks Clint won't notice, and Clint can't help but laugh. _Sensitive materials_, indeed.

"I will end you, Barton," Tony threatens. "Don't forget who's doing the mods on your bow right now."

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Clint says, "They just wanted to make sure I could get on this fucking floor to do the test."

"But if you were unable to get on the floor without help from someone with clearance to be here, doesn't that mean it technically _passed_ the security test?" Bruce asks.

"Hey, talk to Pepper about that one," Clint replies, "This wasn't my idea, I'm just the errand boy."

"Bout all you're good for," Tony says with finality. "Now get out of my lab. And tell Pepper and Natasha that they've got some explaining to do."

"Bye, Clint," Bruce calls, polite as ever, as Clint crosses the lab to exit through, of all things, the actual door. He can feel Tony's eyes burning a hole in his back, but it's no big thing.

Mission "Clint, we really need you to sneak into the 54th floor lab and see if Bruce and Tony are hooking up" was a complete success.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed, and please leave a review! :)


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